Tuesday, October 21, 2014

On Being a Mother of 3...

I've been feeling pretty nervous about becoming a mother of 3.  I'm so excited to have another newborn to snuggle but the thought of having a newborn with the other two busy bodies that I have at times makes me feel overwhelmed.  I worry about Marae... I feel like she needs extra positive attention right now to help her through her days and I'm worried I won't be able to give her what she needs.  I'm worried that my dwindling/shared time with each child will affect them.  I love my babies more than anything and want them to grow up with exactly what they need.

Mason has been REALLY busy lately.  He has a presentation in two weeks down in Florida and this is his first big thing.  He will be presenting in front of potential future employers.  It's exciting because this is his first thing that is 100% him all by himself.  He's always been on projects before with a group.  He has been putting in a ton of extra hours.  I'm talking 5:00am to 12:00am or later.  We haven't been seeing him too much and it's been hard on ALL OF US.  I am 8 months pregnant and can't move.  I don't want to move let alone chase after two fully filled energy balls who show no mercy.  They don't have their normal mommy who use to sit on the floor and play with them and who had more patience than I do nowadays.  Some days are better than others and some days are worse than others.  On a particularly had day a couple weeks ago I had reached my limit.  Both children had forgotten how to exist in the world without repeatedly getting injured.  We were at the park with friends which usually gives me some relief but this day they both just kept getting hurt or needing something.  I was exhausted which I always seem to be at this point.  We went home early after Boonie had busted his lip on another kids head who was climbing up the slide as he went down.  I was scrambling to get lunch ready while both kids were screaming at me and crying.  Marae was starving as she usually realizes she is whenever I am preparing a meal and she just can't seem to last those last 5 minutes.  Boonie was still hurt over his fat lip and couldn't calm down.  I was overwhelmed at the thought of adding another child into the mix and was basically having a meltdown myself.  I was over by the stove trying to get things prepared and crying because that's what I do so easily these days.

All of the sudden I had this overpowering feeling and thoughts come into my head.  The first thing that came to me was of my sweet little new baby in heaven watching over me and supporting me.  I felt her comforting me and letting me know that everything was going to be okay and that she thought what I was doing was exactly where I should be in my life right now.  She gave me peace.  I felt a connection with my unborn baby that I've never felt before.  I felt connected to her spirit and it was a precious moment.  I then thought about Grandma Elizabeth Lefler and Grandma Phyllis Widman.  I imagined them watching over me from heaven and loving me.  The thought of them having been where I've been before in my life and their motherly love and courage came to me.  Elizabeth had 10 children all pretty close together.  She knows exactly what I'm feeling.  She knows that exhaustion and desperation feeling at times.  My own sweet Grandma had two of her own and was always the most selfless person when it came to serving her children and grandchildren.  The thought of these two sweet women gave me a boost that I needed.  I've used this moment over and over and over again these past couple weeks and I'm sure I will plenty more times in the next month.

It was a sweet spiritual moment that was given to me to boost me through this time that I really needed. I am so blessed to be a mother and to have this precious time with my young family who is growing.  They all NEED me so much right now.  That won't always be the case.

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